and spring break 2011 is here

Ticket to Miami: $288

Sunshine Apparel:  $130

Swimsuits: $95

Vacation Condo: $187

Bikini Wax: $25

Spring Break 2011:  PRICELESS BITCH!!!!

So all the preparation to get here has been an ordeal between shopping, booking a rental, being on the watch for airline tickets, having to paint me own nails tragedy and whatever other little odds and ends.  But the literal flight over was actually completely relaxing considering the leg room, gingerale, a lovely nap, little reading time and of course the sight seeing from up above.  And of course one could imagine the extreme delight I experienced when I landed and felt the warm and humidity as I made my way through the gate and into Florida grounds.

Picked up from the airport, got the goods for the night, changed into what I would ultimately regret in the morning and with a little booze in the bloodstream headed off to the warehouse, I mean concentration camp, I mean Caribbean heat wave, I mean epic paint party lol.  So we go to this huge open warehouse with a zillion other people.  There is a huge station of disgusting open bar drink, where I couldn't seem to get the server's attention now make a solid drink choice either.  But to be absolutely honest it was pretty epic I must say.  The girls and I ran around the place where the overhead sprinklers were going on and off, people had bottles of paint, water guns full of water colors and pretty solid reggae jams.  All the dancing really helped sober me up while I was there but I went from the heat to the cold and then back to the heat made for a bit of a disaster.  I past out, which is a habit I thought I broke away from post high school but last night that was not the case. But I can surely recognize it was a good time overall.

Kind of feel like my writing was all over the place in this post, shall refocus and return later.  So much I need to get out in writing!

<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/2347623/efforthodox?claim=xmuudsstjdp">Follow my blog with bloglovin</a>

from manic state to depressed

So in the past weekish or dos weeks my life has been seemingly out of control and I have no clue why??!?!!? umm wtf fml, really.  So like I spoke to him 9 days ago and the aftermath has been both good and bad (never simple, I know).  The baby sis came to visit and that was of course epic.  I had what I thought was a prego scare until I of course recalled that I am probably baren and soon after decided that Mr. Single Consonant is in fact an absolute ass hole.  Somehow I have let my school work fall to the wayside and even now I am in the lib painstakingly pretending to study while actually finding every possible distraction.  My dysfunctional family is cause enough to lead me to drink and yet instead I take to crying with what seems no end.  And ultimately I turned to my best friend in hopes of finding sanity, and luckily My Heart came through, as I once knew to be true always.  I am excited for spring break, Miami and seeing the bestie which has been absent physically since May.  And of course a week from today I will no longer appear to be a sickly pale skin, not like the way the Cullens are to my dismay.  These first lines should speak great volumes to my sense of instability and really it is simply the tip of the iceberg.

In all of the kaos that is my life I am still happy to be me and still always eager to see what the next page of my life book has in store.  I feel that in the last year the content page of my book and the subject index has grown rapidly and I love the unique features of my memoir. I think that in the last year I have become far more irrational and impulsive but I realize that it may be because I suppressed that element for so long. I was always mature for my age and though I doubt that has changed much, finally I have let my character bend to the inferences of my years.  The moral ambiguity that I let run the contemporary me are all actions that I am consciously aware of the potential outcomes and yet a still choose to follow such paths.  But to reassure those who care for me most, I hope that all can recognize my ability to balance out such actions with stability that creates a grounded individual. Since my reckless behavior started I have been more on top of my school work and I am working at being more on top of my health as well.

Currently I am trying to let the new aspects of my life be shaped by unexplored interests like meditation, film studies, exploration of sexuality and so on.  None the less I am still me and am trying to love every second of it or at least appreciate mostly every second.  And as the hourglass flips my life goes on.

its always him

November 27th 2010, that was the last time I spoke to him before last weekend.  I don't mean to over analyze the situation but why would he still insist this is just a break?  How can you not pick up the phone to speak to someone that you love in 13 weeks and somehow not think that we're over?  If I told myself this thing that we're doing or not doing, that is is a break, well that would be called delusional.  And should I be happy that you when he says "I always think about you" ??? Because the negative heart broken me thinks, well guess love doesn't really conquer all, does it?  And then I tell myself get real, hearing his voice makes my heart melt and I know that hearing him say he loves me gives me the confidence that I still matter to him.  I don't mean to over analyze it but this man has been my heart through and through since I was 15 years old.