productive sucks sometimes, ummm alot of times

3:17 am at Du Bois Library.  Monday morning will officially mark week 3 of classes and somehow I am already managing to pull an all nighter at the the library.  The way I see it last semester I waited to pull ALL my all nighters until the last 3 weeks of school; insane, yes I am well aware.  I don't hate that I am here because I do recognize that this seems to mark my most productives instances, but I do hate that I am not in my bed asleep, getting that Rapid Eye Movement sleep that I hear so many great things about.  The thing is that while I am being seemingly productive at the library, my mind cannot help but wander into thoughts that do not coincide with me getting a 4.0 this semester.  Instead it finds comfort in thinking about guy issues, pimples, money, life ambitions, my weight, my sister, my need for another down south wax, the amount of calories I took into to -in the last 2 hours.  The thing is I do not believe you have to have a diagnosed disorder to state: "hey I have an attention defecate problemo!" And I am also now noting that writing in my blog, one in which no one actually ready, does in fact constitute as a prime example of this undiagnosed disorder.  Well okay pack to being Productive Pauly.

mind over body, but body too

So yesterday I put in about an hour and a half for my tat progress and I did not cry! I repeat I did not cry.  How funny was it, Katie, my tat artist, asked me how I was feeling before the tattoo and I replied, "I been feeling real empowered today."  Sure enough I was empowered as fuck in that bitch! I have been telling Kendra that I am going to start meditating and really I think that strength came from the mind.  I need to find more strength and focus in my thoughts because I felt like a rock star when I left that shop!  Also today even though I was beat I put in 2 hours at the gym, 667 calories lost on the treadmill! Now what!?!?! As of this point I only have about 6 weeks until Spring Break and I want this one to be the one I look fucking hott in my bikini.  Every year summer time comes around and my weight is never where I want it to be, but this is officially my left spring break ever and I need to make it one to remember: that includes my bod looking on pointtttt.  If that isn't reason enough I mean I also have this epic back tat that I already know is gonna look way awesomer on a thinner back.  After yesterday's tat success I am deff feeling like I could get more and like honestly I am feeling like I want alotttt more.  The thing is I think that I could imagine myself with a full back, I mean it would deff be a little unsuspected spice in my life! I think that I love having this badass aspect to me but it's kinda like a hidden aspect in me as far as the outside world is concerned. I mean the besties know the crazy me, but i feel like this would just be even more epic.  I already have 2 other tats in mind and I cannot wait this Skye&Rayne's is done!
Goshhhhh I am so effing yellow lately I need to get my ass to the tanning salon.  Yeh I think this next 6 weeks is going to be working on the physical me, whatever that means!  Peaceeee

nothing like everything

like double you tee eff!?!?! I feel like life just keeps on throwing one thing or another at me.  Like I mean who has the worlds most tragic romance one year.  Goes in hard at schools.  Starts an epic drinking habit.  Deals with a possible stage 3 clinger slash staker type.  Meets another cutie only to find that he is just  confusing as all other boys in the world, ugh. But I mean being alone is not the problem it's my thoughts that need to stay focused.  I am thinking about looking into meditating, I like the concept of spirituality solely through my alone time and my own thoughts. My mind is always racing like a mile a minute about far to many things than what it needs to be worried about.  Getting my tattoo this past semester was pretty epic I must say, that is something that I have been wanting to do for  long time and now I finally made it happen.  The next situation is that I am going to need to show it off in Miami for spring break.  I am moving to Cali and gosh I cannot wait. I mean I guess that I could end up somewhere else but I need to get out of here.  I need to start reading more, I am determined to become more worldly.  I need to get back to my spanish practicing, I don't want to lose it.  This time last year I was changing ever minute living in Bilbao and now I feel like I am in a place where I am just rifting in idle, endless idle.  Like I like changing because I feel like i keeps things fun, but once I get back into same old same old I fill my heads with idle thoughts and I am just not into it anymore.
There's got to be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.