from manic state to depressed

So in the past weekish or dos weeks my life has been seemingly out of control and I have no clue why??!?!!? umm wtf fml, really.  So like I spoke to him 9 days ago and the aftermath has been both good and bad (never simple, I know).  The baby sis came to visit and that was of course epic.  I had what I thought was a prego scare until I of course recalled that I am probably baren and soon after decided that Mr. Single Consonant is in fact an absolute ass hole.  Somehow I have let my school work fall to the wayside and even now I am in the lib painstakingly pretending to study while actually finding every possible distraction.  My dysfunctional family is cause enough to lead me to drink and yet instead I take to crying with what seems no end.  And ultimately I turned to my best friend in hopes of finding sanity, and luckily My Heart came through, as I once knew to be true always.  I am excited for spring break, Miami and seeing the bestie which has been absent physically since May.  And of course a week from today I will no longer appear to be a sickly pale skin, not like the way the Cullens are to my dismay.  These first lines should speak great volumes to my sense of instability and really it is simply the tip of the iceberg.

In all of the kaos that is my life I am still happy to be me and still always eager to see what the next page of my life book has in store.  I feel that in the last year the content page of my book and the subject index has grown rapidly and I love the unique features of my memoir. I think that in the last year I have become far more irrational and impulsive but I realize that it may be because I suppressed that element for so long. I was always mature for my age and though I doubt that has changed much, finally I have let my character bend to the inferences of my years.  The moral ambiguity that I let run the contemporary me are all actions that I am consciously aware of the potential outcomes and yet a still choose to follow such paths.  But to reassure those who care for me most, I hope that all can recognize my ability to balance out such actions with stability that creates a grounded individual. Since my reckless behavior started I have been more on top of my school work and I am working at being more on top of my health as well.

Currently I am trying to let the new aspects of my life be shaped by unexplored interests like meditation, film studies, exploration of sexuality and so on.  None the less I am still me and am trying to love every second of it or at least appreciate mostly every second.  And as the hourglass flips my life goes on.