friend zone woes: the logic

So my mind has made it perfectly clear that I did in fact have a major crush on Mr. Single Consonant.  Never what I intended nor did I think there was even a chance of it, buttttt it happened real fast and just as fast as it came in it went out.  I have been battling with insecurities about this man crush for over a month and a half now, sad, I know.  The ups and downs and highs and low have left me feeling a bit exhausted.  The thing is-- it was so fun at first and just kept getting better and better.  My next writing thought was to go into a detailed overview of what that fun entailed but what's the point in that?  I mean I can already relive it in my mind without effort, and while that makes me smile a bit to reminisce of the good times, it just ends up aggravating me that they ended so suddenly.

But here's the thing...  How can I be mad when I never wanted more?  How can I be mad when I don't want anyone to like me too much?  And how can I get mad when I do not want a boyfriend?  Well here's the "ah ha!" that I just realized...So you know when people take out their negative energy on the wrong person? (Yes) Well i think that the same can be done with positive vibes.  I mean, it may seem like positive energy cannot be taken out on the wrong person because why wouldn't I want to share it with any and everyone?  (I know, I know, buttttt...) The thing is that Mr. Consonant was kind of sweet I guess, in his ways (though later found to be falsified) but was he really dee-servvvv-ing of all the niceness I have inside? ...Answer: NO. I have those supreme qualities in me stored for the deserving, and truth is I have been wanting to give them to My Heart since September.  And really because I was never given the chance to let those qualities out, and direct them towards him, I just continued to build them up.  Then someone else came along and I directed them his way, shame.

So the thing is that I do want more, and I do want to be liked too much and I do want a boyfriend...the thing is I just want those things with My Heart, not the guy of the day. So it looks like the friend zone woes need to be reevaluated, because I don't even have the capacity to be anywhere else with Mr. Consonant, or any other man for that matter that isn't him.  And I am only just realizing that it may be selfish of me to long for him to feel a certain way because if he were too, and I couldn't return the feelings I would be bothered even more.

So cheers to friends, because I can always use one more.  And double cheers to finding my way back after losing sight.